Thursday, October 26, 2006

Where are you Balance?

I recently went to a workshop with Joe Rich where he addressed the issue of finding balance in your life.

He said something very importat...parents should not strive to be "Perfect" but "Better". He said that there is no such as thing as being a perfect parent because we can never actually grab perfection. I think that he makes an excelent point...the question is how will we mothers remember this. I have been guilty of trying to be the perfect mother and wife in the past and it has worn me out. When Isa (aka La Preciosa) was born, I wanted to be the perfect mom, wife, cleaning lady, and cheff. I created this vision in my head that I would be able to take care of a newborn, clean the house, cook a delicious meal and be a happy wife when my husband came home.

This lasted one the first morning I had not had a shower, was eating toast for lunch and had breastfed Isa what felt like a billion times. Thankfully, I quickly realized that I was not going to do all of the things that I had expected to do.

What is funny is that the Husband's expectations where that I would take care of Isa all day and sleep when I could. He only cared that the baby and I were rested and happy.

Once I got the original picture of how my life would be after Isa was born, things were great. My purpose everyday was to ensure that we enjoyed our time together and to sleep whenever she did. This went on for many months and I really enjoyed it. As she got older and started sleeping through the night (at 7 months) I would do some housework while she slept.

Before I went back to work, I again created a picture in my head of how our lives would be once I started I would make sure that our clothes, our lunches, Isa's bottles and extra clothing would all be ready the night before. I would also cook double portions every night so that we would have leftovers for lunch, try to do laundry in the nightt so that I would not have to spend my weekends doing it.

As you can imagine this lasted one night...every once in a while I do try to have things done before I go to bed so that I am not rushed in the mornings but these nights are few and far between. As for cooking double this lasted a little longer then I had expected but there are still many days when I just pop in a ready made meal in the oven and buy my lunch the next day.

I have not beaten myself up for how things are going because we are all doing the best we can and frankly life is not all about cleaning and making sure that I make enough food for leftovers.

My priority is to spend as much time with my beautiful daughter who is growing up so fast. There are days when I want to leave work and just never return. These are the days when I am the most down because I know that I can't, but I miss her so much. But there are days when I have a great time at work and I feel guilty that I am not missing my child. This is one of the many conflicting emotions that mothers feel.

I have vowed that I will just strive to be a better mother and wife and anything extra is just that, extra. I think we should all do that.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Yes...I am Still Alive

I know that I have not posted for quite some time now, mostly because I have been very busy at work and once I get home I have just soooooo much to do.

La Preciosa has also been taking up a great deal of my time since I like to spend the hour and a half that we have together every day playing with her. Also I have not had much to say and have felt quite blah.

I had written a post after our trip to my inlaws for thanksgiving but I thought that it was too harsh to actually post it so I deleted it. I can't believe that I had to censor myself but I don't want to hurt their feelings in case they should one day read this blog.

This year is going by really fast, Halloween is approaching and then before we know it its Christmas and 2007. I can't wait for the holiday season...this year La Preciosa will get to enjoy it just a little bit more and the grandparents will go insane. I have been thinking about creating our own family traditions just like the ones that I had with my parents. But she is still too young to truly appreciate them so I think that I will do it next year. There are a few that I intend to take from my own family and some from the husband's family, but I also want to have something that is just ours.

I am a very traditional girl at heart when it comes to Christmas. I love having the family over and having a big turkey dinner and opening gifts at midnight. Another tradition that we have in my family is that we make this special family stuffing that my brother and I LOVE. It takes a whole freaking day to make and lots of people. So this year I will invite my brother and his girlfriend over to our place and we can all make it. Last year my mom was in the country, my brother joined us and we all made it together and had so much fun. I am thinking that we will also put up the Christmas tree on this day as well...I wonder how La Preciosa will react to it? She will probably want to climb the thing or eat the ornaments.

I am so not looking forward to having to do further baby-proofing once she can walk. I bet that she will be getting into everything. I have been fortunate lately since she has not been very curious and once she knows what something is she moves on.

This year the husband and I have decided to get a big family gift and we have decided that we just have to get a digital video camera. La Preciosa is doing so many cool things that we really need to capture them all and this way she can see herself when she is older. There are times when I wished that our family had a video camera, we went on so many wonderful trips and had amazing family parties that I would have been nice to have a record of them.

I am also thinking that we will limit what we by the little one...I know that her grandparents are going to go crazy buying things for her and she really does not need more things. I want to buy her toys that can grow with her but I don't really know what they are. I am also thinking of putting away some of the toys that she has and only have a few out. That way I can bring them out later on and she will be surprices and happy to see them. I just have to get around to doing it.

Wow this has certainly turn into a very large post...I hope that you won't think that it is just verbal diarrhea. But if you do, don't tell me.

Thank you very much for listening, till later...